I am your disease

Hello...

Just in case you forgot me...I am
your disease. I hate meetings, I hate higher powers. I
hate anyone who has and works a program. To all who
come in contact with me: I wish you suffering and I
wish you death.

Allow me to tell you about
myself. I am the disease of addiction. I am cunning,
baffling, and powerful...I have killed millions; I have
ruined the lives of millions more...and I am
pleased.

I love to catch you by surprise. I love pretending
that I am your friend and lover. I have given you
comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me, and
didn't I answer?

I was there. I love to make you
hurt; I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to
make you so numb that you can neither hurt nor cry. I
love to help you give up and feel hopeless. When you
can't feel anything at all, that is my true
gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term
suffering and lonely despair.

I've been there for
you always. When things were going right in your
life, you invited me in. You said you didn't deserve
these good things, and I was the only one who agreed
with you. Together, we were able to destroy everything
good in your life.

When things went wrong, I
was there to agree with you about how unfair life is
and how blameless you are for anything that happens
to you. I was the only one who would crawl down into
the slimy paralysis of self-pity and wallow around
with you there.

People don't take me seriously,
and while this wounds my pride, I don't really mind
because it so strongly serves my purpose. People take
strokes serously;heart attacks...diabetes...AIDS, these
they take serously. Fools. Without my help, those
illnesses would not even be possible, for many
people.

I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come
uninvited. You choose whether or not to have me active in
your life. Doesn't that prove how powerful and cunning
I am? So many choose me, over reality and
hope--even while they say they hate me.

But more than
you hate me, I hate all of you who have embraced
recovery. Your refusal to invite me in...your
program...your meetings...your higher power. All of these things
weaken and disgust me, and I can't function in the
manner I am accustomed to. Now, I must lie here quietly,
waiting.

Oh, you don't see me much anymore, but I am
here...and I have all the time in the world to wait for you.
When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I may
only exist. But I am here... And until we meet again
-if we meet again- I wish you misery and death, just
as I always have done and always will
do...

Most Sincerely,
Your disease

==============
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Your Disease

Higher Power

This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

David Bruce

Disclaimer

This blog is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

David Bruce

Revamped repair manual blog

Ok, so I've lost the original domain name...
moved all the files,

set up multiple blogs:

http://vicitmbehavior.blogspot.com

http://repairmanual4selfdestrucivebehavior.blogspot.com

http://politicsandvictimbehavior.blogspot.com

http://dumpsterdiving4instantcash.blogspot.com

http://quitsellingim.wordpress.com

edited out all of the references to the domain I no longer have...

well... time to put some fresh content on here!

geez, this has been time consuming... and I've got to move in two weeks, gotta get all this done before I tackle the move.
more later, I promise

David Bruce
Tony Robbins-Total Immersion Tactic:
Edison found 9,999 ways to not make a light bulb,
See what it got him?
(NLP pun)

Unlimited first downs

My take on HP is:

Grace is a gift.

We don't have to earn it.

You can't get 'extra brownie points'.

We all get the same quantity of Grace

Jesus doesn't take off points for past
failures

The only one who does that is US
it's a self inflicted wound.

The total amount of resources Jesus
made available to us at 9 months old,
was still there at 29 years old and
will still be there at 69 years of age.

He doesn't take off points for past failures...
it's a self inflicted wound to do that.

We basically get unlimited first downs.
Every time we take a breath, it's first and ten.

Even if we got sacked for a loss the last
50 or 500 times the ball was snapped.

David Bruce Jr.

Frederick MD

Assign Blame and Keep Score

that's what you're reduced to without functional boundaries

Attract the Right People

Attract the Right People

You can't expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident and generous if you're thinking and acting in cruel, weak and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you're seeking - that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract.

LandOnYourFeetezine - 07/10/05 - "Avoid Burnout"

LandOnYourFeetezine - 07/10/05 - "Avoid Burnout": "How Your Mind Works

You can avoid career burnout, and reduce stress in all aspects of your life by realigning how you think, and what you think about. Let me explain!

Our thoughts create associations -- the immediate links we make between two ideas or things. (What do you associate with the word

work?

I bet it's not something positive!)

Our associations, in turn, create our beliefs -- the things we accept as true. (What are your beliefs about your career? Are they empowering and positive?)

Our beliefs create our behaviors -- how we automatically react to our environment and the events happening around us. (Are you completely reactive, or do you have control over how we act?)

Our behaviors then create our habits -- our unconscious and predictable patterns of behavior caused by repetition. (Do you react the same way about your career?)

And our habits create our future. (Don't YOU want to be the one to create your future?)"

My Dad just died this morning of cancer

We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full.

- Marcel Proust, 1871-1922, French Novelist

My father, David Bruce Sr., died this morning @ 8am

I miss him already, I love you Dad

He was 69, and died of prostate cancer

What is Chaos theory?

What is Chaos theory?

What is Chaos theory and what does it have to do with recovery from ACA/ ACOA Codependency issues?

Ok, Ok... I'm really taking a shot at how God/ 12 step work uses the non rational/ non linear/ intuitive brain...

Websters defines Chaos as:

1. a state of utter confusion or disorder.
2. any confused, disorderly mass.
3. the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the
creation of the universe.
4. the nonlinear, deterministic behavior of certain systems, as the appearance
of strange attractors or fractal structure in graphical representations of a
system's evolution.
5. the discipline that studies such behavior.
Webster's Universal College Dictionary. New York: Random House,
Inc. 1997.

Mark of the Beast

Commentary on Living with Stigma

No, this article has nothing to do with fundamentalism or
doomsday prophecies. I do, however, think "the Beast" is an
apt description of mental illness and we, ourselves, are
beasts of burden who must bear the weight of the suffering
it causes.


Whether there is a mark upon us literally as with the young
author of Label Maker, who must wear a Medic-Alert bracelet
with the words MANIC DEPRESSIVE engraved on it, or simply
scars upon our psyches, we live with the stigma of it
everyday. People with mental illness are called "nuts",
"crazy", "cuckoo", "not playing with a full deck", the list
goes on and on. There is a stereotype of those with mental
illness as behaving in bizarre ways, being unkempt and
dirty, and being dangerous to be around. Those with
depression are often further labeled as "lazy" or
"malingering".


http://depression.about.com/cs/stigma/a/markofthebeast.htm

The intuitive mind...

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.

We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

-Albert Einstein

Self Esteem Takes Too Long

How would you know if God is talking to you?

Today's thought is:

Meditation

The first time I heard about meditation, it sounded like a
foreign concept to me. I could understand prayer -- that
was talking to God. It made sense. But people said
meditation was important too. Someone told me, "That's when
you're being quiet, so God can talk to you."

Over the years, I've been exposed to different kinds of
meditation. There's walking meditation, reading out of a
meditation book, and meditation where we sit on the floor
with our legs crossed and eyes closed while chanting om.

I still feel intimidated when other people ask me about
meditation. It's one of those things I don't feel I do
enough, and when I do, I have a lingering sense that I'm
not doing it right. But if you ask me whether I try to
spend time quieting myself, getting centered, becoming
relieved of my own tiresome, worrisome, obsessive thoughts
each day, the answer is absolutely yes.

I started my meditation practice by reading daily out of a
little black book called Twenty-Four Hours a Day. After
spending several years with that, I switched to God
Calling.

As time went on, I began to study different, more
formalized practices. The martial art I study, aikido, is
considered a walking and moving meditation. It's also
considered a spiritual martial art. Meditation practice is
part of training. As a result of that art, I learned to sit
on the floor, with legs crossed and eyes shut, and be quiet
for a while. In the beginning, five minutes was about my
limit fro sitting still. After that, I'd start opening my
eyes and peeking around the room to see what other people
were doing.

Later on, I added yoga to my repertoire of meditative
practices. It's a workout, but it's also
spiritually-centering and includes meditation. I was
intimidated for years about trying yoga. It was another one
of those things I was certain I couldn't do well enough. I
thought it was one of those things for other people, but
not for me. Eventually I found myself in a class. I found
people of all age groups stretching, trying to hold poses,
doing the best they could.

I've sat in the pyramids of Egypt and meditated. I've sat
next to the Dead Sea and the Sea of Galilee with eyes
closed, trying to be quiet. I've sat next to the sacred
Mount Kailesh in Tibet, cross-legged, eyes closed, holding
the pose for almost an hour. Sometimes when I close my
eyes. I pray. Sometimes I try to focus on a meditative
thought. Usually I try to focus on breathing and being as
still as I can.

I'm not sure that it matters where or how we meditate, or
whether we cross our legs, chant om, or read an idea out of
a book. The important idea with meditation is this: Be
still so we can hear God




52 Weeks of Conscious Contact: Meditations for Connecting with God, Self and Others

no new posts- My father is dying of cancer

I've not been posting lately

My Dad is in the final stages of terminal cancer

I'll post soon:
David Bruce Jr
Baltimore Maryland
http://www.victimbehavior.com
Assign Blame and Keep Score-
that's what you're reduced to without functional boundaries
http://www.victimbehavior.com/dysfunctional/

Who has their personal boundaries in reverse? The Victim
Who cares how we got screwed up, tell me how to fix it.

Vince Lombardi and being a human doing, not a human being

The following is a quote from the legendary football coach of
the Green Bay Packers.

"It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever — the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it."
- Vince Lombardi

While I'm not going to say that getting off your but and Doing
something is bad...

I am going to point out that this quote is an example of our
societies bias towards our analytical, logical left brain-
and doing is the dominion of our left brain.

Human beings, like everything found in nature, consist of
dualities, there is a polarity found in everything.
The tide comes in, and goes out, the sun comes up and goes down,
the seasons switch from hot to cold, polarity is built in the
the nature of everything in our environment.

If you concentrate on doing, and ignore being... if you value
your left brain and have contempt of your right brain, you are
ignoring the natural balanced state of polarity.

Read more in my ebook, "Dysfunctional Behavior Rapid Repair Manual-
Part of you is looking at another part of you
… in contempt!"

Put emotion and thinking in the ring- emotion will knock out intellect every time

Rationality VS. Unconcious Emotional Postitions

We are all familiar with the concept of our having both a
conscious and sub-conscious mind.

What is less well known is that contained within our
sub-conscious mind is a limit, a predetermination of our
capabilities, a self image.

The voice inside our heads, the voice we hear when we speak to
ourselves, is our conscious mind.

It is also our Ego.

It is under a dangerous delusion.

Our ego mistakenly believes that it is in control.
As a matter of fact, our ego will become beligerant if
anyone challenges that (mis) statement.

Our ego believes that it is aware of our level of self
esteem... it also believes that it has the whole self
esteem thing under control. If there is any thing lacking
in tbe self esteem situation, ego thinks either:
A) it can handle what ever comes up
B) nothing more can be done (so give up and change the subject)

Our sub conscious mind has a totaly different self image,
I call it self worth.

Self esteem is about doing, something we've done, would like to do,
wish we could do and so on

Self Worth is something that we BE

Emotions located in that sub conscious will over power our
thinking every time.

And our thinking mind will not accept this at all.

Put emotion and thinking in a boxing ring-
Emotion will knock out intellect every time

Have doubts?

Take cigarette smoking for example...
What is the reason you postpone tackling this one?

You know you want to quit (someday), you say you'd like
to quit...

Isn't the REAL reason you put this off is because on a
gut level you KNOW you'll lose this battle?

Instinctively (not on a linear, rational level) you know
that at the moment, you do NOT have the internal fortitude
to win that battle- so why humiliate your self?

Am I right?





Emotional Intelligence

David Bruce Jr
Baltimore Maryland
http://www.software4yourmind.com
Assign Blame and Keep Score-
that's what you're reduced to without functional boundaries
http://www.software4yourmind.com/dysfunctional/

Who has their personal boundaries in reverse? The Victim
Who cares how we got screwed up, tell me how to fix it.

Abused women and Victim Behavior

A quote from an article on Domestic Violence: Understanding Victim Behavior

This is often followed by a period in which the
abuser realizes that he has lost control. He becomes
apologetic and loving. The victim begins to see the man
that she cared for to begin with. Women who are victims of
domestic violence do not want to give up on their partner
or their relationship anymore than anyone
else.

I want to add that the abusee gets power over the abuser
after she gets beat up.

This is known as the 'honeymoon' period.

The woman is now the manipulator and does not want to give
that up.

The dynamics of abuse and victim behavior are
complex. It is extremely difficult for a victim caught in
an abusive relationship to make the decision, and take the
necessary steps, to leave an abusive relationship. Abusers
are often very controlling and possessive. They often move
the family away from the victim's family and friends. This
removes the victim's support system and makes it difficult
for her to leave because she has fewer places to go to for
assistance

Fixing your personal boundaries means giving up on the
desire (unconscious or otherwise) to be a manipulator. It
also moves you away from being manipulated.

Unfortunately, people with bad boundaries don't like people
with healthy boundaries.

In order to want healthy boundaries ( I mean get your
uncoscious to go along with this new position) one has to
have self worth.

My ebook describes the differences between self esteem and
self worth


http://www.software4yourmind.com/selfesteem/

more soon

What I think is 'doing well', normal people call manic

I found this posted to http://about.depression.com message board I belong to-
It reminded me of a decade ago when I finally got it that the appearance of
things being in slow motion when I was on lithium was what non manic people
call normal.

more soon

We're featured on the front page of About.com

We're now featured on the front page of About.com
in thier depression page-
http://depression.about.com/b/a/2004_09_13.htm

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

By Nancy Schimelpfening

Forgiveness.

It's such a hard thing to do, but it can be so liberating
to the soul. What makes it difficult for most of us to do
is the way we define it.

We think of forgiveness as meaning that we should say all
is forgotten and things will go back to what they were.
This Biblical definition of forgiveness is very hard for
most of us to swallow. How can you forget the
unforgettable?

How can you forgive the unforgivable?

To enjoy the benefits of forgiveness, however, we needn't
go that far. All that's really required is that we make the
decision to move forward, to let go of the old hurts. We
don't have to condone what's been done. What's wrong is
still wrong. We don't have to invite the person back into
our lives or even be friendly with them. What we do have to
do is allow ourselves to release all the negative emotions
associated with that person.

As long as we hold onto the pain, we are choosing to allow
that person's past actions to continue to hurt us. We can
also choose to stop letting them hurt us. That's a
definition of forgiveness that's more doable for those of
us who are less than saintly.

Read the rest of the story

more coming

Assign Blame, Keep Score, Argue facts (enmeshment)

Assign Blame
Keep Score
And argue facts that are in disagreement.

This is all you get to look forward to without:

Functional, Healthy Personal boundaries!

This is also known as

"enmeshment"

Being enmeshed with someone is the opposite of having boundaries.

People with bad boundaries don't like people with good boundaries.

Up till now you thought you were the voice inside your head
That voice is your Ego

You are much more than an Ego

It is: Logical, Analytical, Pragmatic and virtually useless to heal

Working ONLY with your Logical Left Brain is like re-arranging the furniture on the Titanic!

From my newest ebook

more later

Feedback on Affirmative Action -politicsandvictimbehavior.blogspot.com/

I, too. think it started off with good intentions.
.
But I have seen it do as much damage as a suicide bomber can do.It can
ruin lives.
.
It gives others the right to abuse verbally, kill.maim, rob and steal If
we do not all have the same income, something is wrong. If I go
to College and you do not, and you are a person of color,you were done
in "by the man".
.
I speak from my experience in ghetto
schools in Chicago. Thank heavens those
nightmarish days are over.
.
I had a black principal who took great delight in humiliatilng me before
my class.
She seemed outraged that I a "honky"
made headway with blacks. She came from that space that "No white person
can understand the black experience."
Amd she did seek every chance she had
to scare me and beat me up mentally.
.
I tried to understand why this was happening. I blamed myself in the
beginning. And after a year of hell, I
know I stood in a sea of insanity and
left the school one day at lunchtime.
.
I was attending AA meetings then and was sober as I am now.
.
I later was assigned to another ghetto school and met with the principal
before school began.I had no bad record with the Board. But the new
principal, promised
me hell each day as she was a friend of my ex-principal and moreover,
wreck my professional career!The Union said they could do nothing
because only she and I were present at that conversation.
.
So I started doing subbing after that.
I found a school that was supportive
and encouraged me.I was so glad to be there and be appreciated as a
teacher and respected as a human being.
.
The black schools do have the chance
to get great teachers, but some of the black principals have a problem
dealing with any non-black teacher who does make in-roads and connects
to black children.
.
In work places outside of education, I
also do not support Affirmative Action.
We give children of color higher grades
for sub-standard learning? What does
that accomplish?
.
I was a Democrat till Carter. For some reason, after est, I saw
Democrats as
the Party of victims. I think it does no good to tell Americans we will
pay for your education, medicine, etc..Because
I know the governent has NO money.
The people who work put all the money
into that.
.
I applaud Bill Cosby for encouraging
Blacks to take charge of their lives and
stop whining.Both parties should tell their constiuents to find work or
create new
jobs for themselves. Worlers can be victims
.
Both myself and my daughter had to work our way to a degree.We did not
cry about it but did something.Action always works.
.
I think all races should be considered
equal.
,
I have been one of those hit in the head by "reverse discrimation" that
is why I despise Affirmative Action so vehemently
and have been called a Nazi for doing that
.
I think it is low of both parties to "go for
the black and Hispanic vote" and pander to it. I think it is insulting.
.
The worst and saddest part is promising them education and jobs.As if
true education and wealth were something
that comes from outside of you or can be given to you...It cannot.It is
something you desire, dream of and achieve.It is people who have money
that can open businesses where people can work.
.
People have not learned how to make themselves valuable to the
marketpalce.
.
My daughter was an alternate-delegate
to the GOP NYC Convention. She herself was denied admission to the best
middle school in San Franciso because she was Caucasian and not Chinese
or Hispanic.
There was a way around that one...It was
ridiculous. But by that time I was fed up with Affirmative Action, and
decided, it
would not affect her. So once again, action worked.
.
Grousing does nothing..Being the victim does no good either. One needs
to play the game and not stop.
.
The worst way to go through life as you know, and the most unhappiest.
is:
"They did this to me"!!
Nothng is more un-empowering.


Sincerely,
Patricia Katz