Just in case you forgot me...I am
your disease. I hate meetings, I hate higher powers. I
hate anyone who has and works a program. To all who
come in contact with me: I wish you suffering and I
wish you death.
Allow me to tell you about
myself. I am the disease of addiction. I am cunning,
baffling, and powerful...I have killed millions; I have
ruined the lives of millions more...and I am
pleased.
I love to catch you by surprise. I love pretending
that I am your friend and lover. I have given you
comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me, and
didn't I answer?
I was there. I love to make you
hurt; I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to
make you so numb that you can neither hurt nor cry. I
love to help you give up and feel hopeless. When you
can't feel anything at all, that is my true
gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term
suffering and lonely despair.
I've been there for
you always. When things were going right in your
life, you invited me in. You said you didn't deserve
these good things, and I was the only one who agreed
with you. Together, we were able to destroy everything
good in your life.
When things went wrong, I
was there to agree with you about how unfair life is
and how blameless you are for anything that happens
to you. I was the only one who would crawl down into
the slimy paralysis of self-pity and wallow around
with you there.
People don't take me seriously,
and while this wounds my pride, I don't really mind
because it so strongly serves my purpose. People take
strokes serously;heart attacks...diabetes...AIDS, these
they take serously. Fools. Without my help, those
illnesses would not even be possible, for many
people.
I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come
uninvited. You choose whether or not to have me active in
your life. Doesn't that prove how powerful and cunning
I am? So many choose me, over reality and
hope--even while they say they hate me.
But more than
you hate me, I hate all of you who have embraced
recovery. Your refusal to invite me in...your
program...your meetings...your higher power. All of these things
weaken and disgust me, and I can't function in the
manner I am accustomed to. Now, I must lie here quietly,
waiting.
Oh, you don't see me much anymore, but I am
here...and I have all the time in the world to wait for you.
When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I may
only exist. But I am here... And until we meet again
-if we meet again- I wish you misery and death, just
as I always have done and always will
do...
Most Sincerely,
Your disease
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This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services
David Bruce
